Bisexual Bachelorette: Nazis and Militant Lesbians
Born in Singapore in 1981, 'Tila Tequila' is an American TV Personality, and, get this, Bisexual! Her 2007 'bisexuality-themed' MTV show, (very creatively) entitled 'A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila' was MTV's second highest-rated series premiere of that year. She's kind of an icon, and she'd be my new Gemma Collins had she not posted a photo of herself in a 'scantily clad SS uniform' in front of Auschwitz, and posted an article she'd written entitled 'Why I Sympathise with Hitler: Part I,' but we'll get to that another time. My main enquiry, of course, is to ask: why was there more than one part? Why wasn't one part enough, Tila?
So, the show, why we're all here. MTV's 'A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila' (2007) is both one of the most distressing and entertaining pieces of reality TV I have ever consumed - and I've been through two seasons of 'My Unorthodox Life,' and fifteen seasons of 'RuPaul's Drag Race,' plus the British, Australian, and Canadian spinoffs.
There you are, sitting on the couch after watching Senator Obama's ridiculous speech on 'Obamacare.' What a silly idea! Deadly wildfires ravage California, (what's new?) you've just heard about this new car company - Tesla, was it? - and you're ready for some downtime after thinking about the Evil Russians all day (again, what's new?) Flipping through the TV catalogue you come across MTV's newest shows. Turning to channel seven on your boxy TV, you're confronted by the face of Tila Tequila - MySpace's biggest hottie. You've undoubtedly seen her glamour shots online, if not more, and you can't wait to see her spin on the bachelorette. Being the progressive person you are, you don't even care that Tila's suitors are all lesbian women - all vying for her affection. You're a little confused when the same number of straight men are brought into the villa to meet their suitor. Plot twist, it's the same woman! Tila, the scandal!
However, the chaos doesn't really break free until the end of the first episode, when all of Tila's suitors are brought together and told that, surprise Tila is a bisexual woman! Chaos. There's screaming and crying and the men start fighting and one of the lesbians quits. Tila is left rocking herself, crying in the corner because her coming out has caused such disarray - comforted only by lesbians who tell her 'it's okay, I used to think I was bisexual too,' and, 'we're all bisexual when we first come out, Tila.' Another girl quits the show, the men are all homophobic but also very into Tila, and A Shot at Love has begun!
The gimmick of the Bisexual Bachelorette is only novel for so long, so the group are quickly forced through a bunch of weird tasks. The men walk in heels and go to the salon - it's a subversion of gender roles, yes, but like in a homophobic way. When men walk in heels it's funny, but when the women do press-ups it's erotic. The girls win a vast majority of the challenges - which the men deal with by either sexualising their queerness, being horribly homophobic, or both! Because 'losing to a bunch of he-she's is just embarrassing.' MTV essentially just put a bunch of lesbians and homophobes in a love-island-esque LA mansion and watched what happened. Apparently, great TV.
Most of the time, it feels like Tila is powerless to cease any of the constant fightings. To the girls, she's a representation of the boy's homophobia, and she's confused - whilst at the same time being the forced object of their desires. To the boys, she's just another object to fetishise. Mostly, Tila seems like a drunk mess who's just reading from a very badly written script, although she does occasionally use her eliminations to get rid of the worst offenders. As for eliminations, Tila always sends home an equal number of men and women, which reinforces the idea that bisexuality is absolute and completely 50/50. However, as Tila slowly eliminates people purely based on who's done the worst thing that episode (often a rather competitive achievement) she starts to actually eliminate based on preference, which is when we see the socially enforced barriers of male and female, queer and straight, and the dwindling number of contestants becomes insufficient to maintain the tribal warfare of men v. women. Real rivalries and alliances start to form as the remaining contestants get to know each other and Tila. Halfway through the season, lesbian solidarity and girl power break down and are replaced by catty girl fights as relationships become more oriented on actual attraction rather than tribalism. Honestly, this is good.
This kind of dynamic leads to a few episodes where it almost feels like the concept of bisexuality is more than a gimmick. Tila is no longer dating men and women, but just a group of people who happen to be from different genders and sexualities, like it's the most normal thing in the world. All Tila's male and female love interests get on and truly appreciate the company of each other, and are truly sad to see each other sent home, at times even sadder than Tila herself.
However, this (very boring, not very MTV) hiatus from hate crimes will soon end, Hurrah! Now it's time for Tila to fly out to each of the contestant's hometowns to meet their families. The producer's aims here are very clear, to initiate some kind of homophobic response from the families and reignite the chaos of the first episode, and they get their cake. When it is revealed that Tila is bisexual, one of the mothers says that she 'honestly wanted to throw up,' which is delightful, Kimberly. To make it even better, the men's and women's visits are interspersed so you get to see the stark contrast between the men's friends perv over Tila whilst she tries to incite some homophobia, all before we hear about his wonderfully homophobic parents. Fifteen minutes later, Tila is surrounded by the truly supportive PFLAG parents of the girls, being showered in love and affection. One Grandma doesn't care that Tila is grinding on her lap, whilst another Grandma slings the f-slur viciously in Tila's direction as long as they're within a 500m radius of each other.
However, the homophobia is given another sabbatical when Tila returns to the villa having eliminated the most homophobic family, which sends a good message maybe? Tila is finally allowed overnight dates (wink wink) with the contestants and she makes a genuinely profound statement, saying that 'when we first started out, it was more about do I want to date a girl, or do I want to date a guy?' She continues 'that now it's about these three people [the finalists] that I truly love: love has no gender.' The finale, of course, is chaos again.
We meet our finalists, male and female. Bobby, the terminally annoying and kinda gross and jealous guy who Tila has said she hates multiple times - and whose homophobic and racist parents show up for the finale to just be annoying I guess? The lesbian finalist, Dani, is so cool. She's a breakout star of the show and went on to be a celebrity in her own right. She's very affirming of Tila's bisexuality and truly loves Tila, she refuses to talk bad about any other contestants - she's the clear winner. Of course, Bobby wins, because this show is made for straight men, not lesbians!
A Shot at Love was renewed for a second season for some reason, which was actually hell and I refuse to talk about it. The men are actual chaos incarnate. You might think that a man would win again, but no. Somebody gets their jaw broken it's wild. I didn't even finish the second season because it genuinely put me into some kind of panic; I hated it. A woman wins - her name is Christy - and she's also bisexual. Christy wins, and then turns Tila down, she says she's not good enough, and that she's not ready for Tila. In the reunion episode, both are genuinely depressed and Tila calls Christy psychotic and confused, the show ends when the reunion's host says 'well, enough season of A Shot at Love ends: broken hearts, broken jaws, broken promises.' In this, Tila's bisexuality collapses. When a bisexual is allowed into the villa, Christy, she's decimated - bisexuality is debunked. Monogamy and monosexuality are synonymous in the show, and Tila is neither. Her two-time unhappy ending is attributed to the stereotype of bisexuals as incapable of romance.
The bisexuality of A Shot at Love is defined by its hetronormativity. Good portrayals of bisexuality are queer: they are complex, they destabilise gender binaries and establish a spectrum of attraction. In contrast, the hetronormative portrayal of bisexuality in the show is reductive, fetishised, reinforces the gender binary and gender roles, and reinforces monosexuality, even in bisexual settings. A Show at Love is clearly centred on gender binaries and roles, from the evenly-split eliminations to the pink and blue mansion, it is clear that the show aims to reinforce the reductive understanding of bisexuality as fundamentally determined by gender. All men are very masculine, and all the women (with the exception of a soft butch here and there) are all very feminine. Tila articulates her attraction in very gendered terms, and queer bisexuality is punished. Tila will become either gay or straight, represented by the pick she eventually makes.
Chrissy's eventual uncertainty embodies the bisexual stereotype - she turns down Tila because she's unable to see past her gender and is afraid of embarking on a journey with a woman which seemingly confirms the theory that bisexual women are only interested in women superficially and temporarily - but could never confirm to a truly queer relationship. As a viewer, we almost wonder if a producer messed with Chrissy to make her unsure, portraying winning the show as a bigger commitment to Tila than it really ever was. Then, employing biphobic stereotypes to portray Chrissy as the villain works, as Tila provokes Chrissy. The show isn't queer, it's hetronormative. In S1E1, a male contestant asks the other men 'would you sleep with another man for ten million dollars?' which is of course met by disgusted screams from the other men. Everyone at home can relax, as there is no 'real' homosexuality here, just skinny feminine lesbians making out for the (often literal) male gaze. Female queerness is acceptable as it is fetishised and attractive.
Tila's bisexuality and her wild personality are inseparable in the show, and she's portrayed as crazy and experimental because she's bisexual. For all of its raunchiness, the series' attitude towards sex is deeply conservative, as the contestants aren't even allowed overnight dates with Tila until they tell her they love her and Tila has met their parents. The show, of course, also sparked discourse about whether Tila was 'really bisexual.' Fox claimed that Tila was actually straight and faking it for the cameras, knowing full well she'd been engaged to a woman.
Both Tila's bisexuality and the reality of reality TV as simultaneously questioned, and her bisexuality is treated as a phase that needs to be resolved by the show, her status as the arbiter of who stays and who goes protects her from the kind of biphobia the other contestants weaponise against each other. The suitors aren't allowed to be bisexual because their indifference about gender would also be seen as indifference towards Tila.
It is almost as if the show needs committed monosexuals to help this troubled bisexual make up her mind.
It is almost as if the show doesn't really believe in bisexuality as a final stage, but rather a transition between stages, as a confusion. It is no doubt that A Shot at Love was an important touchstone in the portrayal of bisexuality in the media, which offered genuine insight into the queer world, whilst also reinforcing bisexual stereotypes. It could be seen as both, neither, or all of the above.
It was both, it was neither. It couldn't choose because it didn't have to, and it shouldn't have to. How very bisexual of it.
by Frankie E.J. Robinson
07/02/23
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